Well hey! It’s been a while … so what have I been up to eh?! Besides not blogging! I’ve basically spent the summer ticking items off of the Things You Do When You Are A Grown Up list. Which has been exhilarating, surreal, quite time-consuming and if I’m completely honest – pretty fucking scary and overwhelming too!
GETTING ENGAGED …
If you do read this blog (hello to you over there! *waves madly*) you’ll know I got engaged to Mister Ruffles in January and I couldn’t wait to (over-)share the news! Woohoo we’re getting married, pop the prosecco, let’s plan our engagement party immediately! Basically ALL THE YAYS! We were both blissfully happy, drinking a lot of celebratory fizz and having lots of fun over-excitedly interrupting each other re-telling the story of how he proposed …and then life threw me a couple of hefty curve-balls. As curve balls go these were basically XXXL bowling-ball sized. They hit me smack-bang in the stomach and left me winded, confused and doubled over in pain – both emotional and physical. For the first half of the year I felt like I was in a game of Dodgeball that was going very, very badly for me. After one ball too many I realised the only solution to the situation was to take myself out of the game completely, cut all ties with the opposing team and walk away. So that’s what I did.
It still meant though, that trying to get enthusiastic about my engagement – and the subsequent wedding planning – proved difficult; the experience had been tainted for me. No fault of my future husband I hasten to add, he was an incredible rock throughout and affirmed exactly why we are getting married and why we’ve always said that together we are a team. The sad thing is I had really looked forward to planning our wedding, I’m the gal who has been reading wedding blogs for the past six years for crying out loud! (To caveat – I know that makes me sound like a crazy person but I assure you I am not. I just really love planning and throwing parties, looking at pretty photographs and I’m partial to a canapé or two). However what had happened had taken all of the enjoyment out of any planning. The last thing I wanted to do/hear/discuss or think about were weddings and being totally truthful, for a while it took the enjoyment out of pretty much everything.
For a while I was rendered almost incapable of doing little else other than get up, get dressed, go to work and just get on with the day until I could come home and do it all in reverse. Hence the radio silence on the blog – I literally couldn’t give the headspace to anything else bar work/eat/sleep/repeat. I decided to take some time out, I sought help and I finally opened up to a few friends about how I was feeling. They made me realise I wasn’t alone, confirmed the craziness of the situation I was in and re-assured me that I was definitely normal (phew!), they cuddled me when I cried, met me at the drop of a hat, listened when I ranted, chatted over lengthy WhatsApp messages involving lots of red-faced angry and weepy wailing emojis – and my favourite, the throbbing red heart – and told me that eventually, everything would be OKay. They also reminded me that despite the hurt that I was feeling, the most important thing was the man I was getting married to and to focus on that. I’m eternally grateful to those friends and to my incredible boyfriend (fiancé is still a word I’m not keen on – it feels a bit twee, pink and fluffy – so until he’s my husband, Mister Ruffles is my boyfriend!) for being a forcefield around me and helping me come out of the other side. At last, I finally feel like I can say that.
… AND PLANNING A WEDDING
When the idea of planning a wedding stopped freaking me out and started becoming something I looked forward to we both threw ourselves in with confetti canons a-blazing. I pride myself on being extremely organsied. I am an i-dotting t-crossing, meticulously thorough and process-driven organisational demon! And I LOVE an Excel spreadsheet and a checklist. Mister Ruffles is like me on super-strength steroids. As soon as I gave the green light to discussing all things nuptial he had created a spreadsheet with multiple tabs including a month-by-month task breakdown of everything we needed to achieve – proof if ever I needed it that he’s the man for me! We’ve since been ticking items off with gusto and the planning has been as enjoyable as everyone promised me it would be.
Another bit of news is that I also recently accepted a new job which I’m beaming-from-ear-to-ear-happy-dance-on-the-spot ridiculously excited about. I start in a few weeks time and it’s a company I can’t wait to join; so much so that I ended up fan-girling the CEO at London Fashion Week. I have no shame.
NEW HOUSE (MAYBE!)
And if that wasn’t enough to contend with Mister Ruffles and I have also been trying to buy a flat which, after an arduous seven months with every available weekend we had spent traipsing around London (stressful just does not even cover it), we’re kinda-sorta-maybe going to become homeowners. I don’t want to jinx that so until I can say any more let’s just leave it there for the moment *crosses every digit*
BABIES (NOT MINE!)
This summer has also been spent doing a lot of fun grown-up stuff too (house-hunting was not in the fun category that’s for sure). I’ve attended two beautiful weddings, helped plan a hen do (not mine!), met and welcomed three gorgeous gurgling baby-sized new additions to our friendship group and celebrated that there’s going to be a few more. We’ve been on a trip to Tuscany to find our wedding venue (with another planned for next week) and went on our first ever camping holiday to Cornwall, all whilst also shoe-horning a couple of festivals into the mix as well. It’s been one seriously jam-packed summer and a year so far full of highs, lows and life-changing events. As I want this blog to be a documentation of my haphazard and sometimes wayward journey through life and for it to be a true record of my thoughts and feelings, it was important to me that I shared this and was as honest as I can be. It’s been cathartic to write and I feel all the better for being honest about why I’d stopped writing. I now have a backlog of posts I can’t wait to share from afore-mentioned fun summer activities. It’s good to be back!